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Yesterday I heard some shocking news from a friend. Her sister suffered a stroke at the age of 45. I have never ever associated stroke with anyone in their 40apos;s. I know such cases happen, but they are quite rare, and above all else, it doesnapos;t happen to people I know. A month back it was another news about someone being diagnosed with lung cancer, someone also in her 40apos;s with a 2-yr old child. All these news seems to reinforce the fact that life is really fragile. We all seem to take everything for granted, and worry about all the small stuff. How our weight refuses to go down, no matter what diets we are on, how our hairstylist butchered our hair, how we dread all the politics at work, how our babyapos;s eyes have been called small, and so on and so forth.

I feel that we seem to have forgotten the pure joy of living, of having all our faculties intact (though I have been accused of having some bolts loose up in my head, sometimes), and most importantly, that we can walk to the station and back, not for any other reason than just because we can.

I know it is quite dreary to be mulling over such facts, but such news just help to remind me that I need to enjoy my life while I can. And that I should put pen to paper what I have always wanted to tell my loved ones; my gratitude and my joy to be part of their lives. Donapos;t you all ever feel the same?




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edward called me around 10:30 to tell me he was arrested. [he didnapos;t know that while riding a bike, one must obey traffic laws] iapos;ve been doing what i can to get him out. Since he skipped out on bail last time, he needs a co-signer. (that would be me) If I�co-sign, Iapos;d be responsible. If he skips out on bail this time, I�would owe the bondsman double what the bond is [which is $3,000] This is very hard for me to say, but Iapos;m not going to do it. I�canapos;t put myself out like that for him. Not again. Not this time.
Iapos;ve been talking to his sisters off and on since I�told them what happened. I guess theyapos;re under the impression Iapos;m going to bail him out. I donapos;t have the balls to tell them Iapos;m not. Nelda (one of his sisters) said that "heapos;ll lose everything" if I donapos;t get him out. I hate all this unfair pressure.
I will not cave. I will not do it. Not only because I�donapos;t have the money... But I�just canapos;t. I�WONapos;T.
Someone please tell me to be strong. Please. Deep down, I�know Iapos;m doing the right thing. I know it. But... It hurts.


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Happy Sunday all.

So all through high school I had this BF. We went to two different schools and sheapos;s 2 1/2 years younger than me, but we were super close anyway. Yanno, did all the BFF things together (malls, movies, concerts, obsessing, video games, etc). And because I was going through a tough time and let some girl manipulate me and push my BF away, I lost her. Shortly after, a lot of my friends from high school moved away as well.

So, sfd_wishingwell who wants to be my new BF? LoL Actually, Iapos;m really just looking for people in the area to hang out at the mall with, do a movie with, whatever. I live in Colorado, about the same distance from Colorado Mills mall and the Flat Irons mall. Iapos;ve also been slacking on seeing the latest movies lately. I work a lot, but I try to take time on the weekends to do something other than sit at home. Difficult without local friends. Hense the request for locals :)

Also, anyone here ever lose a BFF? My brother and I lost our first one to cancer when we were young. Lost my next to being stupid... Who have you lost? Any chance you can get them back?

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I love October. It usually has my favourite weather, and today is no exception. The air is chill, but not cold; the wind is gusting, making fabulous noises in the trees and the chimneys, blowing the autumn leaves around the place; itapos;s overcast, but not raining, and the light gives everything a kind of secretive, slightly spooky look; the trees, now mostly bare but with a few leaves still clinging on, are like skeletal hands reaching upwards, silhouetted against the sky. The whole thing feels very dramatic, and somehow makes the world feel full of exciting possibilities - itapos;s the sort of weather in which I could almost believe in ghosts, or magic.

Shortly I shall wrap up well, don my wellies and head out with the dogs to feel the wind in my hair, splash my way through muddy puddles, and kick up the autumn leaves. And who knows, maybe Iapos;ll even meet a faerie in the glen....
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So I slogged through about 1/3 of the Ouspensky book Joyapos;s dad gave me and I brought it back to him last weekend. One of the things Ouspensky talks about is how only people with a "magnetic centre" are driven to search for meaning in life. Something like that.

When I gave the book back, Joyapos;s dad asked me what I thought about it, and I just said that I had no magnetic center.

"Oh well, if you have no magnetic center, then thereapos;s no point in studying this."

And that was that I was so relieved. No more attempts at proselytizing Whew. I wish all religious people were so Calvinistic.

We did talk about it a little, but just as conversation -- he stated how Ouspensky never actually attained whatever this teaching is supposed to get you and I had noticed that in the book. He also talked about how heapos;s reading Gurdjieffapos;s Beelzebubapos;s Tales to His Grandson -- "I donapos;t understand it But Gurdjieff says that you must read this book 30 times to understand it"

Gotta have a hell of a magnetic center to do that

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The Latinamerican version of the VMAs is today, in my own city, and itapos;s so WEIRD, seeing the red carpet on tv and knowing Flavor Flav and other, you know, KNOWN people are there (and in Flavapos;s case making an absolute ass of themselves, lol) and not even that far from home. I wanted to go, if only to stalk famous people, haha, but getting tickets was near impossible soooo tv it is.

Of course, because weapos;re all little music elitistic bitches in my school, no one really wanted to go until Metallica definitely signed up as closing act. LOL.

Anyway, thereapos;s a rather awesome music fest on Sunday, and MGMT, The Kooks, Nine Inch Nails, The Flaming Lips, Stone Temple Pilots and, uh, Paramore (but who the hell cares about Paramore?) are playing, which, you know, YAY YAY YAY. Itapos;s expensive, but, DUDE, MGMT. Iapos;M SO NOT MISSING THAT. :DDD

Itapos;s weird, because the marketing campaign from MTV was all about old peopleapos;s houses falling to pieces and the city going into chaos (Guadalajara is sort of known for its uber-religious old folk). Today, I saw FIVE traffic accidents, one of which was apparently serious enough to call for an ambulance. COINCIDENCE? Yeah. But also ironic.
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LIFE:
Quick update.
Incomplete sentences.

Watching Apocalypse Now.
Love the movie.

Listening to NIN.
R.A. Said speakers were too loud.

Plays have been going damn well.
24 Hour Burn, One Night Stands, Translations.

Chorus is fun.
Chamber Singers is more fun.

Nine Inch Nail concert = soonish.

Perfect night = a cigar with the guys in West.

Japan Club had a legit college party.
Japan Club here is really chill.

But the biggest reason Iapos;m fucking in love with this school?
Every night is a Friday night.






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